I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize