The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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