i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize