I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize