I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
