Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
