i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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