At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
