***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
