We need to rekindle our bromance
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
being pregnant is like rehab
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
that is very illegal...i love you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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