Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize