You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
