I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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