I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
