I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
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I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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