I'm jealous of your bromance
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
