Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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