you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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