This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
