You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
