If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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