Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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