i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
