I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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