i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
