Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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