at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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