i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
