So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
