explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
