I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
