Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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