Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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