god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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