Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
FUCK WHALES
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize