i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we made out on top of his cat.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
