your room smells of hookers.
And success
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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