jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just pynch a tree in the face
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
