Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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