i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
