This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
