you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
