Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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