either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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