Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
