i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work