I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?