I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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