Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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