I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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