Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
