what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
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Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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