I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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