I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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