Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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