I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
