Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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